2011 - 2012

Same date, different year. So many things changed.


My friend is right, i used to care less, i used to talked more, i used to be less sarcastic, i used to be less cool, i used to be less emotional.

I used to be happy.



I stayed up the whole night last night, flipping through every post on my facebook timeline that was posted last year. I realize everything is different now.

People used to post on my wall, asking for a chat, telling me they miss me, asking me out, random post of inside jokes, asking if i'm okay.... reading them all again, just makes me feel so happy.


I remember i rarely fall sick last year, i used to call myself a 'supergirl', telling people i'm really strong, i don't fall sick easily, i don't really skip school because i was sick. And one day, i finally broke down. I skipped school, without informing any of my friends, because i didn't see this coming.
At night, i log in to my facebook, and saw so many posts on my wall, telling me
"Wow supergirl, you're finally sick! Get well soon :) "
" stupid Lim J, take care! "
" why didn't come? i miss you! take care. "
It makes me smile, so widely, even after a year.


Then i saw so many random posts, and comments, from a lot of people i used to be close with. Well, there's no need to mention who they are though, hah. Then i thought about now, my relationship between me and them, the fact that we don't even talk anymore now kills me, it has only been a year and everything changed, i drifted apart with so many people, so many people i used to love talking to and hanging out with so much. I miss everyone.


And when Ruben told me i used to be a counselor, i thought of it and went, yeah, i remember i used to be there when he needs me, all the time. I always know what to say when he's upset or being negative, i'll always try my best to brighten his day a lil bit more. And not only him, others too. I don't know why, but i always know what to say, I always know what to do or say to cheer people up.
Look at me now, i can't even cheer myself up.


And i used to be so close with her, even though we don't see each other often. We can call each other bitch, count down for event together, birthday, new years, christmas, everything. We would be there for each other, and I even promised someone i wouldn't dump her for anyone, with pride. Isn't it ironic how things can change so fast?


Then i went through my chatbox, I read all the chat history, between me and someone i used to love talking to a lot. I always see him as a little kid, as a little baby. He always makes me smile even without trying. I used to love talking to him. He cared for me, a lot. I have no idea how we got close, but we just did. I loved it. Then things just got a lil more complicated, and everything went into a full stop.


Me and her, we used to chat so often, and she'd always tell me she loves me. Protecting me from people who are trying to snatch me away for her. Haha, how cute. And her, calling me shapoh all the time, always asking me to jiayou, asking me if i'm okay all the time, hmm, i missed that. And her, always asking for a chat, making me feel like she loves me so much i thought she's a lesbian, (haha) and always having plans with me to hang out.


I didn't know everything changed so much, so fast, and i didn't even realize it.
i didn't know i miss so many things, so much.
It was those days when i feel like i have everything.


Among all the things i miss, i know what i miss the most inside my heart.
it's you, teh wei ching. 



Goodbye, year 2012, i hate you.

went through some of my friend's pictures.
she's really beautiful,
in every way,
every picture she took,
no matter ready or not,
in front of the camera,
or off the camera,
she just looks beautiful.

Then i realize,
her smiles are the same,
in every picture,
every angle,
every time.
it's a perfect smile.

how can she not look beautiful with that perfect smile on her?
in every picture of her,
i see happiness around her,
her friends around,
and that guy beside her who makes her smile in that way.
she looks so... loved.

and i'm pretty such that's how that smile exist.
i realize,
the secret to beauty, is a perfect smile.
she's beautiful with that smile,
so pure, so natural, so happy...
she's so beautiful.






and i wish i was as beautiful as her...







I worry i won't see your face light up again.
even the best fall down sometimes. 

"I don’t care what anybody says — I am just living and doing my thing. If they don’t like it, let them do their thing. Everybody has their own thing and everybody wants to do their own thing."

— Christofer Drew.

‘如果他们不喜欢，让他们做他们喜欢的事。 每个人都有自己喜欢和想做的事’

我永远都不会忘记他说过的这句话。

他没有说错，也许我真的不应该太在意别人对我的批评。每个人都有自己想做的事，那如果批评我是其中一件他们想做的事，那我也没有资格去理会。或许我还应该想一想为什么自己会被批评呢。

可能我真的做错了，不，我是真的做错了。我不会有半句怨言，因为我做错了，惩罚，我怎样都会接受。

可能一百句，一万句对不起，都不能让你忘掉我给过你的伤害。你批评我，是理所当然的事。我不会讨厌你，而我也会接受你给我的伤害。

‘你不需要理会那么多，会讨厌，会批评，都是因为他们不够了解你。只要做好你自己就好了。你放心，我很肯定，就算全世界都讨厌你，嫌弃你，我都不会讨厌你。’

不管那番话是真的或假的都好，至少那一刻，我真的感到很安慰，很安慰。谢谢你 :')

"Just always remember to smile. ‘Cause smiles will get you by. I love you and don’t be sad, please. Or else that would make me sad."

- Christofer Drew.

Christofer Drew, 真的很想念他，有整整一年都都没有听他的歌了。记得自己看得最开的时候，是每天听着他的歌，听着他说的每一句金玉良言的那一阵子。他真的帮过我，改变过我。

在我眼中，他是最美丽的男生。

我不会再哭，也不会再有半句怨言了，这是我答应我自己的。

有你在，笑容永远都不会消失。

I know you're a lil disappointed on my wish. It was really random and short. I was sick, so I didn't put any effort in making a wish for you. I'm sorry.


It's has been almost 5 years since we know each other. We were so young, dancing together, so silly, so pure ; no love, no fights, only little friendship love between us. Nothing seems to matter to us.

And things are obviously different now. We fight, we tease each other, we argue etc. It's really sad seeing things change day by day sometimes. Seems like we're so grown up already. You have your friends and I have mine, and we aren't that close anymore.

At this age, we both know that we aren't little kids anymore. We found someone we love, we get fake friends, we get upset easily, we get problems, we get jealous, we pretend and so on.

But I feel lucky, really, really lucky, when I get to share everything with you. My problems, my my happiness, my dreams, everything! It feels like someone will always be there for me, someone will always be my listener, and someone will always be there to cheer for me.

You're one of the people I appreciate a lot a lot, and you surely have a fixed position in my heart. I am truly grateful to have a friend like you. No matter what happens, no matter how many fights we've been through, you'll still, forever, be the best friend I love in my heart.


Happy 15th Birthday, Viviane Kok Hwei Yee.


Wishing you all the best and hope you'll be happy all the time. And remember to always stay positive no matter what happens. :)

Yours faithfully,
Jyeshin.