Being very honest, i am very confident about myself. I'm always proud to be me, proud of who i am, proud of what i can do. I feel lucky, i feel blessed, i feel wonderful all the time.
But this time, i'm no longer proud about myself, i am no longer secure. I'm a positive person, but this isn't what i can bear anymore.
A few months ago, i started getting rashes on my face. It brought me a shock because my skin had always been stronger than ever, it can take in any products, my scars heal pretty fast, i have no allergies, no serious breakouts or what so ever.
The rash started on the left side of my cheek, then it got to both sides of my cheeks, and now - it's all over my face.
I've done everything i could to stop this from happening, i tried literally everything. I am not allergic to anything, i tried to cut down poisonous food, i tried to be more careful with my products, nothing helped. It just kept getting more and more serious, and i am seriously frustrated.
I've come to the point where i fear my own reflection, i'm afraid of the mirror, i don't want to look at myself. Looking into the mirror, staring at myself and not crying seems to be a challenge. It's just too heartbreaking to know that what you've never wanted is happening to you, and it's not going away.
I'm afraid to go out, i'm afraid to meet people. I don't even want to leave my room because my family would just talk about my face and this only makes me feel worst. I'm pushing people away. Yes, they can tell me to keep my chin up, they can tell me i'll recover in no time, but they don't understand.
I hated people who tell me what to do when i'm at this point, because they don't understand, and yet they act like they do. I need comfort, not a guideline.
I've never ever hated myself this much before. I've never ever felt so unlucky to be me before.
All i can do now is hide, crying and wishing all the tears can wash these ugliness away.
How much longer do i have to feel this way? I'm not happy.
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