Same date, different year. So many things changed.
My friend is right, i used to care less, i used to talked more, i used to be less sarcastic, i used to be less cool, i used to be less emotional.
I used to be happy.
I stayed up the whole night last night, flipping through every post on my facebook timeline that was posted last year. I realize everything is different now.
People used to post on my wall, asking for a chat, telling me they miss me, asking me out, random post of inside jokes, asking if i'm okay.... reading them all again, just makes me feel so happy.
I remember i rarely fall sick last year, i used to call myself a 'supergirl', telling people i'm really strong, i don't fall sick easily, i don't really skip school because i was sick. And one day, i finally broke down. I skipped school, without informing any of my friends, because i didn't see this coming.
At night, i log in to my facebook, and saw so many posts on my wall, telling me
"Wow supergirl, you're finally sick! Get well soon :) "
" stupid Lim J, take care! "
" why didn't come? i miss you! take care. "
It makes me smile, so widely, even after a year.
Then i saw so many random posts, and comments, from a lot of people i used to be close with. Well, there's no need to mention who they are though, hah. Then i thought about now, my relationship between me and them, the fact that we don't even talk anymore now kills me, it has only been a year and everything changed, i drifted apart with so many people, so many people i used to love talking to and hanging out with so much. I miss everyone.
And when Ruben told me i used to be a counselor, i thought of it and went, yeah, i remember i used to be there when he needs me, all the time. I always know what to say when he's upset or being negative, i'll always try my best to brighten his day a lil bit more. And not only him, others too. I don't know why, but i always know what to say, I always know what to do or say to cheer people up.
Look at me now, i can't even cheer myself up.
And i used to be so close with her, even though we don't see each other often. We can call each other bitch, count down for event together, birthday, new years, christmas, everything. We would be there for each other, and I even promised someone i wouldn't dump her for anyone, with pride. Isn't it ironic how things can change so fast?
Then i went through my chatbox, I read all the chat history, between me and someone i used to love talking to a lot. I always see him as a little kid, as a little baby. He always makes me smile even without trying. I used to love talking to him. He cared for me, a lot. I have no idea how we got close, but we just did. I loved it. Then things just got a lil more complicated, and everything went into a full stop.
Me and her, we used to chat so often, and she'd always tell me she loves me. Protecting me from people who are trying to snatch me away for her. Haha, how cute. And her, calling me shapoh all the time, always asking me to jiayou, asking me if i'm okay all the time, hmm, i missed that. And her, always asking for a chat, making me feel like she loves me so much i thought she's a lesbian, (haha) and always having plans with me to hang out.
I didn't know everything changed so much, so fast, and i didn't even realize it.
i didn't know i miss so many things, so much.
It was those days when i feel like i have everything.
Among all the things i miss, i know what i miss the most inside my heart.
it's you, teh wei ching.
Goodbye, year 2012, i hate you.
